Wow, I haven’t blogged in forever!

I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since September! So much has happened since then but right now I’m going through some physical health issues that kind of trump any Bipolar ones I might have gone through in the last 9 months.

In 2011 I had a pressure headache from hell and had a few seizures. Finally, after a few trips to the ER, they did a spinal tap and realized I had an opening pressure of 35, which is WAY more than the 17 it’s supposed to be less than. After 5 days in the hospital, and a couple more spinal taps, they blamed this pressure on the lithium I was on for my Bipolar and told me to stop taking it.

Fast forward to July 15, 2013 and I have that same pressure headache again. I go to the ER and the same doctor who did the first spinal tap in 2011 sees me. They do a CT scan and blood work to check for the usual things but then it’s time to look at things that I’ve had in the past (like high spinal pressure). They suggest a spinal tap.

The spinal tap takes for. ev. er. They try multiple times to get the puncture and the doctor even has to go get another doctor from a different department to try it. At some point, they hit a nerve and I practically jump off the table when a shooting pain goes down my left leg. Finally, they get it and it’s at 20, which is still higher than 17. So they drain off some extra fluid to release some pressure and give me a bandaid. To get rid of the rest of the headache they give me some Torodol and something for nauseousness. Then I was on my way home.

The next day my back hurt so much I could barely get out of bed, and the next day was no better so I called my primary care doctor and made an appointment for today. She looked at my back and counted EIGHT puncture holes there. There was also some adhesive in them from the bandaid so she cleaned it out. She gave me some pain pills to get me through the next few days and a doctor’s note for the entire week so I don’t have to go back to work until Monday. Hopefully I feel better by then, but I’m pretty sure I will.


Something I’m Proud Of: Seeing the doctor when I needed to instead of running away from it.


Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • Having a Job
  • My Husband’s Support Through this Physical Illness
  • My Employment Support Specialist’s Help Through This

The Last Day of Summer

The Last Day of Summer

The streetlights flickered on at dusk

And on to home I slowly trudged.

I’d played all day out in the sun

And in the brook I’d dived and plunged.

I ran around, no cares at all,

Enjoying now last summer day

Before the next when school’d begin

And careless fun would go away.


Alas, a venture new’d begin.

I’d find my friends in classrooms now

Instead of in the streets with bikes,

But seeds of learning we would sow

With teacher’s help and guiding hand.

My time’d be spent with binders, books,

In study groups with all my friends,

And spending weekends at the brook.



This poem has been entered into:
writers' week writing contest

A Quick Update

So I’m lying in bed. I didn’t get to sleep last night until almost 5am and then I got up about noon to see my caseworker. I was tired and I laid down while hubby was at school. I didn’t intend to actually sleep, just watch TV for a bit and relax, but I ended up falling asleep shortly after he left and I didn’t wake up until he came home.


Oh, and I’m going to spend 4th of July in Arkansas with my best friend, Brooke! I can’t wait to go to actually meet her in person since I’ve only ever known her online and over the phone.


But things have been going okay though. Not good and not bad. Just thought I’d update my blog since I hadn’t done that in a while.


Something I’m Proud Of: Meeting with my caseworker.


Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • My husband
  • The fact that I can attend school right now to get my Bachelor’s degree
  • The support of my caseworker

I have a to-do list… With writing work on it!

I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I won’t try
I’m no angel, but does that mean that I can’t live my life
I’m no angel, but please don’t think that I can’t cry
I’m no angel, but does that mean that I won’t fly

~ I’m No Angel by Dido ~


I’ve been in a mood for Dido lately and this was the first song to come up on Pandora, *laughs*.


So it’s 11:15pm and I’m sitting at my desk listening to the radio (as well as my husband playing violent video games, lol) and talking to my friend Brooke online. Brooke is my best friend and I’ve never even met her in person. She’s more like a sister than a friend at this point. It’s kind of cool having an older sister. *smile*


But anyway, I got up this morning thinking that my husband was at school, so I slept in until 11 and then got up and took a shower, never even going downstairs to see that he was here the whole time. His morning class got cancelled so he didn’t go to the school. I went with him when he went to go get a haircut and then afterwards we just went to the school and did homework until his class at 6pm.


I got my discussion question answered for my class while I was at the school. It had to do with lingering feelings about the Crusades by Christians and non-Christians. I think I mentioned not being able to find anything in my research about it. Between the few things I *was* able to find and some things that the hubby found for me, I ended up with enough to write my discussion post on. I think I did a pretty good job, too. Hopefully I get 100% on it and I keep this 100% streak going!


Oh, and I started talking to one of my writing clients again today. I had postponed all of my writing assignments due to my Bipolar health. He still needed writing work so I have a small assignment that I am going to be working on. And I got in touch with one of my independent contractor writers to see if she wanted to work with me on a bigger project that got put on the back burner for my health reasons. It feels good to have writing work again and I don’t feel overwhelmed by the decision to start writing again so I know this is a good time.


SO I think I am going to chat with Brooke for a bit longer, keep listening to the radio, and wait for the hubby to get done enjoying his video games. Then I can get to bed. After all, I have a to-do list that actually has some weight to it for the first time in weeks!


Something I’m Proud Of: Taking the step to contact my client again.


Three Things I’m Thankful For:

  • My husband
  • Brooke
  • My doggies

Why Can’t I Research This Stuff!?

If you’re feeling low and lost today
You’re probably doing too much again
You spend all your hours just rushing around
Do you have a little time
Do you have a little time for me?
Slow down my love you’re confusing me
If you’re feeling stressed just try calling
You spend your time waiting for anyone to see
Do you have a little time
Do you have a little time for me?
If you should stop for a while
You will find me standing by
Over here at the side of your life
I’d like to hold you still, remind you of all you’ve missed
If you have a little time
If you have a little time that is

~ Do You Have A Little Time by Dido ~

Okay, so this is the first major road block of this class I am taking right now. I am trying to research the current or lasting influences/attitudes about the Crusades by Christians and non-Christians. I’ve found a few small articles from back when the Christian Church apologized for the Crusades to the Muslims but that’s about it. I’ve been searching for hours now and I can’t find anything that really talks about long-lasting feelings about the Crusades. Even the websites that talk about the effects of the Crusades don’t go very far past them when talking about what they affected. Man, this is going to suck. I need to have this written by tomorrow at midnight and I can’t find anything at all about this!


But the grades for last week’s work are already posted and I got 100% on each of the three assignments we had. I am super excited about doing so well and I’m really hoping that I can keep doing just as good. I am up to an 88% in the class and I really want that A.

As far as non-school things go, however, I’m not doing very well. I’ve realized that I have been unusually clingy to the hubby and I can’t figure out why. I have also had a lot of unusual and irrational fears that need to go away because they are really messing with my head. I talked to my CRT caseworker yesterday about them and she’s attributing them to stress, which I can’t deny. I’ve definitely been putting a lot of stress on myself about contributing to the household in some way and whatnot. I almost feel like I should be freelance writing again so that I can contribute some money to the house. I need to find out if I am going to get the job at the hospital that I interviewed for before I start the process of starting my writing back up again though.

I just wish I was normal.

But other than that, I’m just battling some kind of allergies or a little cold. I have a runny and stuffy nose. It switches whenever it feels like it. And my throat is giving me some trouble. I hope it’s just Spring allergies and it will go away once I get used to all this crap in the air again.

Something I’m Proud Of: Getting 100% on all my assignments for last week in my class.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:

  • Caffeinated soda
  • My new iPhone
  • My husband

So Much For That New Job…

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
‘Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad World

~ Mad World by Tears for Fears ~


So much for the temporary job. I flipped out. Literally. Stress level through the roof. *sigh*


I called and cancelled the temp job and I felt a little better, but the sleep helped most of all. I’m still battling a huge migraine though. I don’t think running the dryer and making it hot and humid upstairs where I was laying/sitting really helped in that regard though.


So right now I am just listening to music and waiting for hubby to get home from school. He called and he’s on his way. Apparently both of us are feeling sick our stomachs. *another sigh* I hope it’s just something we ate and we’re not getting sick.


I didn’t get any homework completed today but I got research done for an assignment done. I will write up the assignment tomorrow and be done with it, leaving only one assignment for the week and I have to watch the movie Kingdom of Heaven to complete it. Not bad, considering it’s only Thursday.


But I really need to lay down and get this headache to go away so that I can get things done tomorrow or else I am going to be completely useless, just like I was today.


Something I Am Proud Of: Getting the research done for my assignment.


Three Things I’m Thankful For:

  • Calming music *love Dido*
  • Facebook
  • My husband

I Have A New Job!

I have a job!


Okay, so let me back up since I haven’t written in, like, over a week.


I got a call last Wednesday asking me if I could interview for a job at the hospital the next day over the phone. I agreed, and I did. It wasn’t for the job I originally applied for, it’s for a per diem (flexible shift) spot in the Emergency Department, but I’m okay with that. They wanted me to come in on Monday for an in-person interview and I did. I think it went really well! They said that I would hear something in a couple of weeks on that job.


Then! When I got home from interviewing for that job, I got a call from the temp agency about interviewing the next day for a temp job at a tax firm. I went in and interviewed. It went really well. And I got a call later that afternoon from the temp agency asking me if I could start this Thursday (tomorrow)! The temp job only lasts until April 17th, since that’s when they are busy with taxes and whatnot, and that might just line up perfectly with when the hospital might call me back about the job there.


I wasn’t really excited about getting a job at first but I really am now. I think getting out of the house regularly will be good for me and I will be able to help contribute to the finances, which will be nice. I will feel useful. I just have to be able to stay up to date with all of my homework so I don’t get behind.


Speaking of my homework though, I got 100% on every assignment for last week in class and I’m really excited about it. I brought my grade up from an F after the first week to a B after week 3. I bet I can get an A in this class if I really try. That will help bring up my GPA after getting a D+ in my religion class last term. I could really use that.


Oh, and I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, as well. I seem to be a little low but not bad. I’m staying stable there and not jumping all over the place, which is nice for a change, even though I wish I felt normal and stable instead of low and stable, but it’s the nature of the beast, I guess. But he’s leaving my meds the way they are, which is nice. And I may need to call my neurologist about how tired my headache preventative medication is making me. But that’s about it going on there.


Overall, things are going well. And I’m happy to be able to report that. 🙂


Something I’m Proud Of: Getting my homework done that was due today.


Three Things I Am Grateful For:

  • My laptop
  • My new temp job
  • My doggies keeping me warm in bed right now *grin*